The Top Ten Physics Colloquia You'll Never See

• 10. Progress is Optical Detection of Quantum Resonances in Quantum Well Lasers using the UCSB Free Electron Laser

• 9. Anyon Statistics in Twister(TM)

• 8. Correlations between Elvis Sightings and Massive Neutrinos

• 7. Winning at Roulette--Applications of the No-Boundary Proposal

• 6. Recent Results from LIGO

• 5. Kathy Ireland: the New Standard Model

• 4. NSF Grant Homebrew

• 3. Heavy Fermion Systems In My Pants

• 2. String Theory--A Phenomenological Approach

  And the number one physics colloquium you'll never see...

• No Colloquium--Just Donuts!